Cheatham County Exchange
ASHLAND CITY WEATHER

Everyone has the right (choice) stuff in them




Steen

Steen

“The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.” ― Norman Schwarzkopf

Throwing eggs/rocks/water balloons at a car — right or wrong?

Taking the last cookie in the jar — right or wrong?

Canceling plans with friends so you can stay home — right or wrong?

You might or might not have heard the story of the time I shoplifted. It has stayed with me for more than 50 years. My allowance of two quarters was not enough to get the candy I had planned on and purchase the Pez® candy dispenser.

When my father saw how much candy was in my little brown bag, I confessed through tears that I had taken the amazing plastic piece that gave me one piece of candy at a time. He drove me back to Grant’s Department Store and allowed me to explain to the clerk how I felt entitled to take more than I had money to pay for, and I was absolved of my crime.

I’m sure I was grounded, but all I remember is how horrible I felt for doing the wrong thing. For the rest of my life, I have tried to do the right thing. The problem, though, has been that sometimes doing the right thing hasn’t been as obvious as it was that Saturday morning. Gen. Schwarzkopf was right, though, that we usually know the right thing to do, but it can be so hard to do it.

I learned to draw some pretty rigid lines about right and wrong after my shoplifting experience — for a 5-year-old girl, serious impressions were made. I might have made some bad choices after that day, but I have found that doing the right thing always has felt, well, right.

But sometimes, it can be difficult to know if we are doing the right thing. Egging a car? Never the right thing. Taking the last cookie? If someone else ate all the others, you better believe it’s the right thing. Canceling plans? Depends on what it is. I’d never want to let my friend down, and I always can do a better job of taking care of myself. Maybe right and wrong aren’t always so easy to recognize as we’d like to think.

It seems we need a little help, and even after we get the help and feel like we have a handle on right and wrong, it’s important to remember this:

Making the “wrong” choice does not make someone a bad person. Making the “right” choice doesn’t make someone a good person.

We might be tempted to group people that way, but it is not fair to anyone. I know people who follow all of the rules and are not very nice people and people who don’t always follow the rules and are actually wonderful human beings.

After spending several days researching how to KNOW right and wrong, all I can offer in this limited space is that it seems to be about morals and ethics. While a few people live strictly by the holy book of their religion, most people have found that in order to enjoy life there must be a balance between what was written/spoken thousands of years ago and where society is today. Rules aren’t always indicative of right and wrong, it seems. Stoning people isn’t really right, you know?

A few things I’ve come across to help me know if I’m “right:”

  1. 1.      Does it make me feel superior? It probably isn’t right.
  2. 2.      Does it make someone else look inferior? It probably isn’t right.
  3. 3.      Does it help me and not hurt you? It might be right.
  4. 4.      Does it help you and hurt me? It might be right.
  5. 5.      Does it make you worry that someone will know about it? It might not be right.

I’ve been measuring my choices against those questions, and I’ve made some adjustments. Making adjustments isn’t always comfortable, but feeling like I’m improving makes me feel much better. If you try it yourself, let me know what you find.

Maybe you’ve heard more recently about problems with people feeling like they aren’t treated well. If you’ve been around for very long, you’ve probably witnessed it yourself. Turning away from someone who looks different than you (like telling your child to not look when you catch them staring at someone who is in a wheelchair) is a choice made out of discomfort, and it is not a “right” choice if you are talking about good/moral/ethical behavior.

I tend to look for opportunities to do better today than I did yesterday, so when a friend sent me a private message to challenge me, I loved it and was nervous at the same time.

“Was I not doing enough right?” I wondered.

“This is going to be heavy,” he warned me.

I watched a video from PBS. It was less than an hour long. I felt like I was back in elementary school with the way everyone was dressed, and I worried that it was going to be a poor use of my 55 minutes. I lost a few hours of my day and was glad I did. I watched as a teacher in Iowa taught her students about right and wrong in the context of how we treat each other, and I wondered why I hadn’t used her lesson with my own children.

The video is entitled A Class Divided, and you can find it on YouTube if you search for a minute.

If you’ve ever wanted a way to see what it would feel like to be in someone else’s shoes, she has the solution. It was uncomfortable, but what I’ve learned through my willingness to be uncomfortable is that I’ve been doing a lot of things right and a lot of things not so right. When we know how to do better, we usually do better. I will continue to challenge myself to do better, to choose the right option more times.

Gen. Schwarzkopf was right — we (usually) know the right thing to do. We just need to do it.

Susan Black Steen is a writer and photographer, a native Tennessean and a graduate of Austin Peay State University. With a firm belief that words matter, she writes and speaks to bring joy, comfort and understanding into each life. Always, she writes from her heart in hopes of speaking to the hearts of others.

Leave a Reply